My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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