there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
