I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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