Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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