East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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