I'm so fucking centered right now
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
