Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
