I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
