WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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