I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Your face is a jimmy john
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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