She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
