I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
