i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
