he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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