So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
