Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
