Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
