I wish I could teleport
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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