somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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