I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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