she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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