I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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