We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
