Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
