literally had 100 drinks last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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