I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
