I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize