Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
