Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
