can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
