arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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