So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
