guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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