You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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