just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
