After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
