Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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