around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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