I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
