that's an acceptable place to lick
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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