My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I could make wine with my vomit
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
