And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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