Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
