ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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