is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
