i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
