so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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