He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
