Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
