there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
