i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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