Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
