My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
