At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
