We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
