Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
