i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
