Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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