Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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