Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
