Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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