I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize