Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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