Sry I called you an 8
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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