He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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