fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
