Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
