but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
