There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize