I want to have your abortion
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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