You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
