Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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